I want to talk about marriage today. I got married for the first time seven years ago last May. I have to admit that it is nothing like I thought it would be. It is more amazing and perplexing than I could have ever imagined.
When I met my husband, Kin, I just knew. He knew. He actually asked me to marry him on our third date, I said yes, and then we both freaked out. We didn’t get officially engaged until Thanksgiving Day 2012 three months after we first met. When I told my mom that I met the man I was going to marry she looked at me and asked me why I would want to do that. This from the woman who tell everyone that all she ever wanted for me was to meet a nice man and get married. I met an amazing man who is perfect for me. Her reaction was (this is honestly what she said) “Haven’t you reached that point in life yet where you don’t want to be around men?” followed by “Why? Why do you want to marry HIM?”
My response to the first question was “Huh? I don’t understand the question.” My answer to the second question was simple “I love him and he loves me.” No lie her response was to ask me if that was it. If “love” was the only reason. Well, yes and no. There was love and this feeling… more than a feeling though. It was the knowledge that he was it. I couldn’t explain it. I still can’t, but I knew. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I mean, come on, I lived through my parents marriage so I knew marriage wasn’t easy.
It isn’t. Yet, it is. It is amazing ups and downs with these periods of calm, every day life. That is where our real living and loving is.
I look at marriage as being those moments. The incredibly normal and every day moments where you suddenly realize again that you married this incredible, normal, goofy, loving and amazing human being who is your best friend. Don’t get me wrong we annoy each other at times. Those moments where you look at your spouse with disbelief and exasperation while considering your response. We argue, but not all that often. When we do it is usually rather explosive, but short. We apologize and here is how it starts “I hate when we fight.” That is it. We then discuss what we argued about and deal with it. Some items are easy and some are nightmarish to deal with it. We do though.
I had a young woman I know get divorced after three months of marriage. When I asked why she answered “I thought I would marry him and he would fix everything that was wrong.” I have to admit I burst out laughing. Once I got control of myself I told her that it doesn’t work that way and to really think about what she was putting on her husband. No one can do that except ourselves working with God. A good therapist can help, but no one person can fix everything in our life.
My husband and I have been married for a bit over seven years and have known each other for a bit over eight. Every day, even the bad ones, I realize that I married my best friend and the man that was made for me.
Is it easy? No, honestly it isn’t. We are very alike and very different. He is a morning person. He can hold a conversation about world events after being awake for ten minutes while still drinking his FIRST cup of coffee.
Who does that? My mother was that way. How does that happen? It baffles me. I take two cups of coffee to understand I am up unless there is an emergency. In emergency situations I am all functioning, but in normal every day life? Nope. Do not ask me questions that actually need a response or honestly that need english to be spoken. Don’t tell me anything important that has to be remembered as there is a only 50/50 chance it will happen.
My husband also falls asleep when we got to bed. Okay, that isn’t that weird, but I find it amazing how quickly he falls asleep. He falls asleep after the last word in a sentence. I swear he has a switch. It floors me as I take a while to fall asleep. I have to unwind, quiet my mind or whatever you call it. I have to admit there have been nights when he has fallen asleep, I watch him with envy and then I have to fight the urge to poke him and ask if he is sleeping. Yes, I lost the fight to the urge and have done it. I know it is so petty! On the flip side my husband always wakes up earlier than me and there has been many a morning when I have been woken with “I’m lonely and bored! Can you wake up?” LOL! We both have our moments.
Honestly, that is what marriage is. A bunch of moments strung together and they are good, bad, exciting, heart breaking, soul renewing moments of life.
Do I recommend marriage? I do. With all my heart I do, but you have to work at it. Your marriage has to be healthy and the most important thing in your life right after God.